How can a couple’s love be strengthened over the years?

Habits, many jobs, professions, children, managing material without question… has your partner got you? Summer is the perfect season closer to each other. “Know that our loving conscience is slower to respond than our professional conscience, said Marylise Richard, clinical psychologist. Your couple needs you to change. » Here are some ideas strengthen love in a relationship.

Appreciate your qualities

To be with a couple is to form a tandem, strong in its complementarity. “Therefore, do not expect skill from your partner in what he is struggling to master, expect what he can do and praise him for it,” recommends psychologist Camille Rochet. Congratulate yourself on a successful project done together, such as a trip, the children’s schooling, overcoming a difficulty: “We did well…” “Praising your relationship means recognizing that the team is capable, and that the combining forces works”, sums up Marylise Richard. It is also a way of promoting its ability to move, change, create, rise.

Turn everyday words into

“Thank you”, “sorry”, “I love you” : words that seem divine and whose scope is underestimated… “Each of them, pronounced with attention and in a powerful way, touches the person who receives it, and the person who forms it, said Marylise Richard. It is not always easy, because to say it is to give a part of yourself. You have to think about it. These words are gifts, they must be cherished. Therefore, a “thank you” can be said by looking your lover in the eye. An “excuse” is asked by taking his hand. “I love you” is accompanied by a kiss.

intentionality is important in a relationship and it needs to be worked on,” he continued. Take care of yourself. Under what circumstances did you say these words? Do they come after the argument? Do they hide, before you sleep? In strange times? Or do you spend time, quietly, focusing on ordinary things? Instead of focusing on your partner’s reaction, think about the message you want to send.

It is natural to seduce to rekindle desire

It is to feel beautiful, desirable, at ease in all situations. On vacation, you have more time to take care of yourself, to dress nice, to be fit and more relaxed in your movements and your repartee. ” seduce a way to show that you are willing to open up to others. You want your partner to be happy, you want them to look at you”, summarizes Marylise Richard. So enjoy the hotel’s swimming pool, or the hiking trails to rejuvenate, siesta time to cheer you up, and dinners for two, or with friends, to improve yourself.

Make efforts to re-evaluate how decisions are made

Do you feel like you’re listening this year or are you suppressing needs? ” Rethink how couples make choices important. Do you have the impression to agree to everything, or to let someone else decide for both,” asked Camille Rochet? Zoom out. “Re-read the whole process – the emotional obstacles, the level of rejection that you and the couple will receive – and you will come together with concrete commitments. For example: you have bought a house that your spouse loves. You like him, but he is far away from your work and you don’t dare to say “no” to him. decisions. »

Discover things together

Project moments together, between him and you alone! Amorous rendezvous is important to nurture your couple. And what is better than exploring new places or new activities to share the effects of the unexpected, its feelings, the way of doing things, its reflections, its laughter … artist, manual workshops… “The palette is wide, as long as you choose a realistic and achievable program, advises Marylise Richard. Thus you discover some parts of yourself, and some parts of another. »

Relearn tenderness to maintain a romantic relationship

there couple’s actions that we no longer do or we no longer know how to do. Amorous departure neglected or forgotten. “Tenderness is the cement of a couple, but it can be complicated, Camille Rochet revealed. Some are missing moments of conspiracy due to continuous over-demanding and de-stressing television nights, we don’t dare to talk to each other, touch each other. We need to study that again. » Shared moments of relaxation, discoveries for two, intimate nights will help you. “Go step by step, multiply the small delicacies, take the hand to walk, dare to caress the neck, compelling smiles, put your head on the shoulder of the other”, describes Marylise Richard. In your deepest self, it goes back to your beginning.

Strengthening your relationship: advice from a psychotherapist

“Summer break is stressful sexual communication in the couple, it makes it possible to deepen three key areas: one’s own well-being (physical, emotional), which is a true gift of love given to another; the clear expression of one’s desires as they arise; and his emotions (joy, fear, feeling of abandonment…).

However, we separate moments of exchange “from the bed” and those “in bed”. Exchanges “off the couch” take place in a more global, deeper register. They are an opportunity to hear the truth of another and to share challenges, emotional and sexual. It’s time tosilent listening instead : we allow one to speak without ever interrupting him, even if he is silent. On the contrary, exchanges “in bed” – when you make love – give immediate information about the state of your body, your sex, your heart. Partners who are more vulnerable, it is important to take care of the form to avoid emotional wounds, defensive reactions, brutal interruption of the love relationship. Even if it means inventing a close-coded vocabulary, it is easily understood by the spouse. »

To continue, read the book The 5 keys to lasting love, Soazig Castelnerac and Marylise Richard, ed. Eyrolles, €17.90 (June 2022), The 5 beliefs that prevent you from being happy as a couple, Camille Rochet, ed. Larousse, €16.95 (January 2022) and But you didn’t tell me that!, Carolle and Serge Vidal-Graf, ed. Youth, €11.50.

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