Why is it so difficult to heal after a breakup? Psychology explains to you

Separation can be harmful or destructive. Healing can take a long time, but for the most part. You may feel relieved or betrayed. However, no matter what the context surrounding a separation, one thing is always the case: it’s painful, and it’s hard to forget it. Psychology can explain why it is so difficult to heal after a divorce.

1. You lose your primary source of support during the separation

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In a healthy relationship, you have many sources of emotional support in your life. This support can be instrumental in your journey to recovery from a separation and make your journey easier.

But even so, few can deny that their most important source of support is their partner. Instead of the most serious, committed relationships, you spend most of your time with your spouse, especially if you live with them or spend a lot of time at each other’s house.

If you break up with someone, you lose their support as you enter a difficult time in your life. During this time, you can count on this person for support and love when you need it. And now that you have healed your broken heart, another is no longer an option and you can no longer go to him for comfort!

If you’ve become accustomed to your ex’s unwavering support, now you’re more vulnerable without him. This can make things more brutal and painful when you are struggling with something. Of course, you can have the support of other people close to you in your life, but the bond you share with your spouse is probably the kind of support you miss.

What’s more, more complicated relationships can have a bad relationship, causing you to rely too much on your partner for your happiness and emotional health. This can make it more difficult to repair. Separation may take away your sole source of support or the person acting as regulator.

In less healthy relationships, in the end it is a good thing that separation happens. But the destructive patterns that have developed in this relationship can still be difficult to heal, because your over-reliance on your ex-spouse makes you less able to control how you feel.

2. Separation challenges your identity

Relationships can change your view of yourself. You move from being an individual to someone who is actively planning a life with another person. You share your world with someone else, and he shares his world with you, and in the process, you kind of absorb each other. Your psychological boundaries are somewhat diminished and you confuse yourself in many ways.

This usually happens because you do these things:

  • You will simultaneously discover new things, shape future thoughts and ideas based on shared experiences.
  • You live the stories and develop the knowledge that you are the only one sharing.
  • You are weak and open when talking about difficult things that you would not share with others.
  • You ask for another person’s opinion, and even if you disagree with them, there is more information about their point of view.
  • You listen and are in a world where your partner is as important as you are, compromising and listening to their ideas and beliefs throughout the day.
  • There are things that are yours alone. Fun things you do together, things you enjoy, and other little rituals that make your relationship unique and have sentimental value.
  • You’ve tried things you would never have dared to try without your partner.

It never helps that in many relationships people are too much together and become “one unit” instead of two separate but trusting people in a relationship. In a dynamic like this, this union can be bad and you lose a sense of who you are and who you are in the process.

Find your individuality

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But even the healthiest relationships, where both partners maintain their individuality in healthy and strong ways, they experience it. You can’t fight! Studies have shown that peers begin to think about things in basic terms, considering what “we” want and what is best for “us”. In most cases, when done to a good extent, it is good and often necessary for serious long-term relationships.

But when relationships end, the identity you developed as part of your relationship will start to crumble. According to research, you start asking yourself questions in the weeks after a divorce and you may forget your identity. You may be wondering if you enjoy the hobbies you have with your ex -spouse. Or you wonder if you’re just joining for the relationship. You may wonder if you believe in the values ​​you have developed based on the ideas and opinions of your former spouse or if your love for him or her has influenced you.

It can make you feel lost and very sad, and this confusion of your identity can hurt you. It can take a few months for you to confirm your identity, and the time you spend unsure can lead to a lot of negative thoughts and a decrease in well -being. This is one of the main reasons why healing after a separation can be painful.

3. Your body knows something different after separation.

If you have been dating someone for a long time, your body will start to adjust to their presence. Your entire biological rhythm has changed, some studies suggest, and your partner has become part of the systems your body recognizes on a regular basis.

Think of it as good sleep hygiene and how your body knows when it’s time to go to bed. If you fall asleep at different times and in an unfamiliar environment, you will have a harder time falling asleep. But if you maintain a regular sleep schedule and have a regular routine of relaxation before bed, you can fall asleep at the right time and wake up quickly.

Having a long -term partner, especially your roommate, is like a regular bedtime schedule. Like all the constant things in your life, they become part of the routine your body goes through every day. It stays strong and helps you move life in the same way. What’s more, your partner’s daily routine will likely play a role in signaling yours.

Physical symptoms after ending a relationship:

For example, you could:

  • Wake up while your partner is brewing coffee in the kitchen
  • You automatically make two servings of whatever you cook or prepare
  • You’re hungry he’s coming home from work
  • You’re thirsty when you hear your partner pouring themselves a drink because you know they make it for you too.
  • It’s only natural that you fall asleep if you stick to each other while they read in bed
  • You will feel a little energized when your partner is with you
  • You take a shower earlier than your boyfriend so your partner can use the bathroom after you’re done
  • Eat early so you can go to bed early with your partner
  • You will be less stressed on your way home from work because of your partner’s hug

During separation, most of your routine is quickly and suddenly lost, and everything you have done in your life with your spouse is lost. At the same time, you are filled with negative emotions surrounding the separation, making it difficult to adjust to the changing routine.

Divorce is very painful because there are so many things in your life that you need to change and adjust. Of course, all of this is on top of a bad emotional state. You need to change your routine, so you wake up early to make coffee now. You have trouble sleeping because your ex -spouse is not in the bedtime signal with his or her routine. You will no longer have the hug that helps you relax coming home from work. You find yourself cooking two servings of food without thinking about it.

It never helps that all of these changes in your routine are clear and visible, so that your partner is always present in all aspects of your life. Physical changes and emotional pain have greater damage to your physical health as your body struggles to adapt. No wonder separation is so difficult to repair!

4. Your future plans will change

In serious relationships, your plans begin to form with the involvement of your partner. Even newly formed relationships include some level of it; you can plan to attend an event later in the year with your partner.

But in long, lasting relationships, it comes with many life changes. You decide which city you want to live in, how many kids you want to have, and what your life will be like in the next five or even ten years. These thoughts are no longer applicable and you need to eliminate them from your plans. You may even have shared assets that you thought you could trust, and now you need to release them.

And, of course, even the most balanced relationships have to involve compromises and some sacrifices. Maybe you stopped living in your dream city because you knew your life would be better at work with your partner in another city. Now you may regret that decision. And it can exacerbate an unbalanced or bad relationship, you may have always given up your desires for your partner.

It makes sense to worry about the future even if your relationship is completely safe and healthy and you plan everything well. So, naturally, anxiety gets worse when all of this is questioned, and you find yourself having an uncertain future after the separation. It’s hard to heal after a divorce because you have to face the fact that the future you envision may be different now.

Healing after separation is difficult and painful, but it is not impossible. You can start and heal. Whether you want to date again in the future or not doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you feel good again and you are no longer in pain. Trust that all will be well and you will find the good that awaits you in your future.

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