Behind the door | Polyamorous, but not “evil”

Élise * is open -minded, polyamorous in theory, but not so much in practice. Because that’s how it is. Maintenance.

Posted at 4:00 p.m.

Silvia Galipeau

Silvia Galipeau
The Press

“Not because we can do everything we have to do everything”, summarizes the thirty -year -old without a cell phone (but that’s a different topic!), After a good hour and a half of trust, in a The story is as confusing as it is unstructured, not always chronological, even if strangely didactic.

The young lady gave us an appointment at a pretty café in Villeray, quite busy this little Monday morning in June. And rarely, in journalistic memory, do we meet someone who is unruly. Disarming naturally at times, Élise relies on complete transparency, without being in any way disturbed by the proximity of other clients: libido, TRIPS three, even his female ejaculations, whatever goes. No filters or whispers. “We have a prostate! “, He laughed.

Where does this openness come from? No idea. “I have nothing to lose,” he replied simply. I don’t feel like I’ve lost anything that people know about me. »

Her first time? “I think I’m 18,” he replied, thinking. Finally, if we mean the first time: first vaginal penetration relationship, ”she says. And no, it’s not “fun”. It still hurts. “But it got better over time. »

The relationship this first lover met online (“and all my friends, that is: internet dating”) lasted three years. To relax, and pass the pain, Élise simultaneously encouraged herself, she recalled. “And I keep that habit. At all times ”

Then, in the early twenties, after some “exploration”, “hug”, but nothing more (“I’ve never had a full relationship with people I’m unofficially relationship “), she met a new lover, a man with a disability, in a wheelchair, whom she loved dearly. “I have a crush! The story will last two years.

In bed? “We adapted! he laughed. “We can’t even stand, let’s say. He did not expand on the subject. This is because most of all watching others is what he remembers. “It wasn’t good. That’s why we don’t always go out… ”

When the story ends, in her mid-twenties, Élise is “ruined”. “I was always screaming. I was worried about the idea of ​​getting back together with him. »

And then, a twist. A few months later, Élise meets her current “life partner”. 10 years ago.

She hasn’t talked about her famous polyamorous side yet, but we believe she’s finally got there. “My boyfriend knows I’m like that in the course of my life”, he suddenly sighed here. Oh well? Because he didn’t tell us everything.

Let’s take a digression: in fact, in the early twenties, in her exploratory phase, Élise had a relationship with a man in an open relationship. A “sensual sexual” relationship, with no penetration (because Élise wouldn’t go “all the way” if she wasn’t in a relationship, as we said), isn’t really genital really, but it’s not very close. The man in question was in a relationship, so (his girlfriend “ben chill” was pregnant at the time, they were still, three children later), and their exploration was more “ideological” than practical, we understand . Kisses and hugs were involved. “I have read a lot about relational hierarchy, the conference (as opposed to jealousy) […] And in the polyamorous structure, I’m part of one polycule “, He explained. End of parentheses.

However, her current spouse (her husband, and the father of her children as well) is therefore aware of this past experience.

Me, I’ve had no problem being with someone my whole life, but if we love someone else, I want us to be able to arrange something around that fact.

Elise, 37 years old

For example? “To me, having another person’s emotions doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. »

And where does this openness come from? “I don’t know,” said the young woman, shrugging her shoulders. I don’t like binary and sliced ​​stuff. It’s always clear in my head that it’s not just serial monogamy. »

Like this one day, a few months before their wedding, she “lent” her boyfriend to a friend. He recounted the adventure while laughing. “They want me to stay in the room,” he said with a smile. Yeah, pretty weird. But no, he didn’t feel jealous. “Zero,” he insisted. “And I’m glad to see that I’ve brought inside me the conference. I would rather this friend go to something safe, than go to any companion. »

We’ll leave you the details, but her husband has developed a relationship with the woman in question for a few months. They also made a TRIPS three with Elise. Results? We never know. “Fun,” he said simply. For his part, our conversation met a longtime friend. “We were in a romantic relationship, she said, but I don’t think I ever kissed her. I really don’t like to kiss! »

It all ended when, a few years ago, Élise became pregnant. Second instead of cause. Besides, no, she didn’t see her libido drop during her pregnancy. On the contrary. “I am not.»

We see that through all these stories, the young woman finally told us very little about her relationship with her husband. “Things are very good! Really, very good,” she replies, examples of female ejaculation support. “I physically feel more and more things, and so does she!»

Admittedly, with their young children, spontaneity is minimal. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to bring back polyamory. “My enthusiasm was quickly suppressed,” he said. Even though I have an opening, I’m not sure I’ll ever go back there. »

Thinking about it, Élise finally sees herself as a “relationship anarchist”: “it might as well suit me,” she says, explaining to us the various concepts that have a clear concern for katin. -awan. “We adapt what is available according to each person’s needs. And that changes over time. »

Moral? Yes, his mind is open, “but you don’t have to check everything,” he insisted. “It is not cut with a knife: monogamists have long and intelligent relationships. And some are very bad!»

*Fictional name, to protect his anonymity.

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