Psycho and sex
“Love in the Plural” is a summer series that will talk about love in its various forms: self-love and acceptance, sexuality or forms of love that our parents didn’t know much about. In this first issue, we talked about polyamory, but what is it?
A not new form of love
Contrary to what some people think, these forms of love are not very new. In fact, back in 1929, Jean paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir entered into a “poly-fidelity pact”. In 2006, a book was written on this subject by Hazel Rowley, face.
It was in the 1990s that the term “polyamory” was used, a reduction in Greek. poly – many and Latin love – love, through a forum on the topic.
Polyamory is “a practice of romantic relationships in which partners in a romantic relationship with more than one personwith informed consent to all concerned. »
This should not be confusing polyamory with:
- Polygamy: one person is related to many other people. In general, this is a man and his partners are not allowed to have lovers. However, in polyamory, everyone has the same rights.
- Non-malice/exchange: Two couples are temporarily exchanging partners. This practice is only sexual while there is an affective dimension to polyamory.
- The free relationship: An open relationship is a non -monogamous relationship where members of the couple have sex with other people.
They meet Helena and Stephanie
We met Heartthrob*, a 34-year-old young woman, who is in a relationship she describes as plural or multiple: “I don’t describe myself as polyamorous or in an open relationship. My beginning was that I met someone. I love her and I’m not sure where it’s going, so I always give myself the chance to fall in love with someone. But that’s not really what I was looking for […] I’m talking about multiple or plural relationships. »
He meets his main partner at the end of the first imprisonment. Because of covid, they stay but then they start with other2 people, woman as far as he is concerned and couple as far as she is concerned. Recently, she also met her main partner’s boyfriend: “Just in the sense that my boyfriend’s girlfriend, I met her in January, so after a year and a half because we wanted to get to know each other. to each other “
In her past relationships, Helena felt judged libido : “I understand that my colleagues feel that their“ safety ”is in danger if I want to look elsewhere. […] I had a first plural relationship that also didn’t work out for that reason. My energy flowed for him. “Now, he feels better happy.
It always scares me, it doesn’t end, it’s really progressing. You can change another person’s relationship and they can change thanks to people who aren’t you and so you’re never in control of anything. So yeah, it’s scary.
For Helena, the two main points of the plural relationship are: the communications and theorganization contact !
“We have a common calendar for example, because we realize that sometimes for me, it’s more important to sleep together. […] and to simply say that it is no longer enough, because sometimes things are not well recorded in the diary.
When we asked Helena what messages she wanted to convey, she replied: “ deconstruct the papers imposed on us. Stop jumping on a model, it takes a lot of effortHAPPINESS. You have to overcome the fear of doing things differently, think about doing things differently and find people who are right for you and at the same time, find things you don’t like and figure out how to do it. identify and separate yourself from them. Sometimes you have to too alone to understand and not be afraid of loneliness. »
Reading> Willow, Will Smith’s 20-year-old daughter, promotes “polyamory”
Stephanie 45 years old, he married and formed the so -called a quadthat is, he and his spouse are in a polyamorous relationship with another pair. Stephanie maintains the relationship between the woman and the man while her husband only maintains it with the woman.
“It started on the birthday of mutual friends, I had a crush on another girl. We are not polyamorous, nor are they. But once in the car, my partner and I noticed something was happening. He, who is enough MONEY, said to me “oh my, I would have kidnapped him in my house! and I said yes. But for our friends, it’s not over yet, it’s not good. Then the next day we woke up […] We have a nice little message on Facebook. Like about 14 years old, we sit in bed, I write, erase, write […] and there it begins! »
You don’t have to look, it falls on you like that. We don’t specifically ask for that to happen because despite the great joy, sometimes it can complicate life.
Outsiders think it’s good, but that’s not always the case, he said. In fact, it takes a lot discussionson communications and know how to putwater of his wine.
Point to the organization came back here again, as Helena testified. “When it comes to meetings, sometimes they are complicated. They have a 17-year-old boy and he can’t understand what his dad did to another woman and his mom to another man. Then, if you need to prepare for the holidays, the dates should suit everyone! Extended couple gyud ni ”
Si Re seals, he tells us this: “Yes, there is jealousy, we will say“ it hurts ”and we will debrief 4. That way, we will know what to pay attention to and what to avoid in order to hurt people who don’t care. But obviously, i have an easy way, she is the woman of my life, i love her like i have never had another woman.
Like Helena, Stéphanie previously did not understand why she should rely on a predesigned template.
For Stephanie, it was a feminist workbecause it’s a bit like claiming yourself to be a woman and proving that it’s not just men who can have multiple wives.
I didn’t take anything from my husband to give to my lover. I did not take anything from my lover and my husband to give to my mistress.
Having a lover allows her to make up for the shortcomings of her relationship with her husband: “I, I started with the principle thatwe don’t eat from the same plate every day, it’s not nice what I said, but that’s it. What you don’t see in your spouse can force you to leave him for another, so take the step toward polyamory. »
As for watching others, as Stéphanie very well puts it: “Who doesn’t like it, he turns his head”!
- “Dare to Polyamory” (2020) by Eve de Candaulie, La Musardine, 157 p.
Here’s the essential guide for everyone who wants to embark on this adventure, which seems for most to be an alternative to traditional married life, without going through the lie of adultery.
- “Fluid” (2021) by Benjamin Adam, Safieddine Joseph & Cadène Thomas,Dargaud, 100 p.
Hector and Sacha are friends and co -author of the comic. While Hector is in complete love with Jeanne, the latter tells him of his desire to have other sexual experiences, and invites his companion to feel free to do so. the eternal bachelor is attracted to the idea but uncomfortable putting it into practice! Like working on a story, they decided to combine their imaginations to find the energy to move and share this adventure. From this agreement was born “William”, a fictional personality who is endorsed by one or the other in every new experience, until the day when all is not well …
- “Sex according to Maïa. More than received ideas ”(2020) by Maïa Mazaurette, La Martiniere Eds De, 234p.
Since November 2015, Maïa Mazaurette has written the section “Sex according to Maïa” in The world. This forum, is always the most read and most commented on in the publications world, analyzes our body representation, our sexual actions as well as our imagination. An approach that resonates especially in the context of the #metoo movement where ideas of sex and gender, consent and pleasure, risk and seduction are widely debated. With a creed: sex should unite us rather than divide us.
- “More than Two” (2014) by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert, Thorntree Press, 504p.
Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory