Couples: 6 questions to ask to strengthen your relationship

Confinements, mental stress, unfathomable differences of opinion … Many couples are skeptical of their relationship, so which one should be asked to start all over again on a good basis?

Near 30% of couples are considering divorce during the Covid-19 pandemic, according to an Ifop survey published in July 2021. A number that increased by almost 50% among “young” couples. “For many French people, the living conditions imposed by the health crisis – especially violent promiscuity or the constant presence of a partner – actually highlight the underlying difficulties, making it behind the closed doors were a real test for their couple to the point. to consider divorcing their spouse “then detailed François Kraus, director of the post “Gender, sexualities and sexual health” at Ifop.

On the same subject

And while the hardest part of the pandemic is well and truly over, many couples are already done. permanently marked by conditions. In the United States, Laura Silverstein, a social worker, is the co-owner of a practice that struggles to meet all the demands of couples. According to him, many couples are stuck in “remote survival mode“, or relationships based solely on managing household chores. Some no longer know how to have fun, he explained. New York Timesor forget how important it is to have interactions with the outside world.

According to Ifop, several recurring factors explain this desire to separate, and “their effect turned out to be very different“. In women, it is lacking in communications which precedes. Men often talk about differences in sexual needs.

These six questions may make it possible to assess whether you have been shocked by the pandemic or whether you are no longer on the same wavelength. but don’t put them on at all : prefer the quiet moment that suits both of you, than when your partner is asleep. Talk to the first person to talk about your feelings, and if you repeat the experience, communication will be easier.

Sources:

  • Are we still monogamous? And 6 More Questions to Ask Your Partner, The New York TimesJuly 1, 2022
  • What is the impact of successive imprisonments and curfews on French couples ?, Ifop, July 2021

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What do we want to do together for fun?
Often divorces or separations occur because the feelings of love and overall positive feeling in the beginning gradually disappear over time. When starting a relationship, “we spend our time doing and having fun things,” says psychologist Sarah Whitton. In return for that, he advises getting a calendar and asking yourself how many hours were spent having fun in the past month or week.

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How do we help each other through difficult times?
In every difficult time, it is important to make some sort of report and thus realize what is working or not, what is beneficial and detrimental to your relationship. And ask the question “how do we trust each other and how does each of us feel?” is the first way to start.

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4/6 –

How can I help you feel more loved?
While it’s important to focus on your personal needs within a relationship, questioning your partner’s needs and desires is important. It’s a way to show how important your partner is to you, according to Laura Silverstein.

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Who now takes care of household chores?
Pandemic and repeated incarceration forced couples to spend more time at home and therefore divided household chores equally. However, a INSEE study published in March 2022 showed that women spent more time on household chores than men. “Take a specific time to talk about who is doing what and what roles you want to have in the future,” psychologist Galena Rhoades advised the NY Times.

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6/6 –

Do we still agree on monogamy?
While many couples are moving away from the monogamous model and favor cohabitation, clarify your desires with your partner, as a kind of update on your “monogamy agreements”. Discuss with him any kind of intimacy he may have outside of your primary relationship. “What about pornography? What about flirting with a friend? Having lunch with an ex? ” says Dr. Nelson.

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