what if you love two people at the same time?

on fatal by Louis Malle, in love with Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep or later Imaginary lovers by Xavier Dolan, the theme of love triangle often mentioned in cinema. And for good reason, the intrigues of the subject and the scenarios are endless. But what about real life? What happens if on Christmas Eve, we fall in love with a stranger? And by the way, can this really be anyone’s situation? We were helped by Dr. Garner sees things more clearly through many aspects of reflection, especially loving lovethey feelings of guilton stress and D ‘depressionor even the question of betrayal and management of the couple.

“Most people can’t really love someone at a timeby the simple fact that the libidothe sexualitythey GREETINGS and thecloseness include themselves in the beloved. All amorous thoughts are thus focused on a partner, which contributes to the state of loving love in a psychological process of enamoration ”, said the specialist. This amorous love is this impetus that pushes us irresistibly to another. driving route, which does not always explain it. As a result, this “liking for another” is often built on the initial momentum of the couple’s relationship, “and therefore it has to do with the chosen creature, and not many people”.

According to the psychologist, an individual cannot develop romantic feelings for two people at the same time at any time during the relationship. This phenomenon often happens at a stage where we go through this moment of initial love in the first couple, and the effect of meeting another person often occurs in a another time in the relationship. So it is almost impossible for two people to fall in love at the same time, or at least it’s not about the same love or loving feelings”, Analyzes the doctor of psychology, Sébastien Garnero. “On the other hand, one can experience romantic feelings for two people at the same time, but in a different way to a search for complementarityand in narcissistic completeness. ”
In fact, as the psychologist explains, it is possible to become very close with one’s spouse and sometimes fall in love with another. This will then occur in a particular context in which the individual needs to fill in certain gaps by parallel relationship.

Polyamory: a gap to fill?

“In this situation, it often happens that one develops over time, a tender, emotional and intimate loving relationship to his couple, and with another new relationship, a passionate approach and a sexuality with lovers ”, the psychotherapist progressed.

The search for a lost love complementarity

But these initial feelings towards others can also find their origin in the fact that the no longer satisfying the couple’s relationship for two protagonists.
“Sometimes it is loss of complexity, privacy with the primary partner making this bridge to the other’s double loving relationship. ”The passage of time, professional restrictions, routine, or even the arrival of the couple’s children can affect the relationship deep and deceptive way.Lack of intimacy, sexuality in the middle of the mast, lack of communication … If for one of the partners, the new relationship can be satisfying, it does not have to be the same for the other his account can no longer be foundeven though the feelings are still there.

Some people are more predisposed than others

Some are more likely to have this type of relationship than others. “It’s usually people with a separation problems, in connectionemphasis narcissistic with a need for seduction, constant betrayal (…). They are often unable to separate, to leave, to lose something. In effect, Leaving begs to get out of comfortbut it also takes courage to move towards another destiny, by accepting to lose touch with living another love story ”.

For others, this amorous love may come from a longing for adventurein a feeling of excitement or “in all power” in this case “of simultaneously experience two states of love at the same timeoften and unfortunately, at the expense of one of the two, or even of two love partners. ”In this case, there are long -term risksand above all the fact “not really living in any real love relationship, always in a quest for innovation, narcissistic completeness, false love hypocrisy and living in constant doubtto the detriment of others ”.“ I have a very big heart and a lot of love to give ”, Youtuber Sauvane summed up simply in a video in which she came out polyamorous in July 2018.

Double love: conflicting emotions

Once the feelings have resolved, the individual may become confused, uncomfortable, even literally sick harvest situation. Many reactions and behaviors can occur, depending on the attitude and behavior of each.

Cheating or stopping?

For some individuals, it is also “a narcissistic quest for the whole between the two pillars of love they seek, not wanting to leave their former connections ”. So it’s harder to quit than to cheat.. But this rule does not apply to everyone, and according to the psychologist, this type of relationship can be even unthinkable for “whole people” in terms of love. Because of “their values, their types of relationships, and their conception of the monogamous couple”, they would rather leave than cheat, or otherwise. do not make this new desire for another.

Lots of stress and anxiety

Few people are able to live a double life of love peacefully. there are no feelings of stress, anxiety and stress ”, assures the psychologist.
Therefore, only those who, for ideological and philosophical reasons of conceiving “non-exclusive couples” chose this way of life, were able to live in these situations of love without a background of guilt.

New idyll, beat it as a couple

What if, against everything and almost against our will, a romantic relationship develops with someone we don’t want? especially without ruining his marital relationship and that this feeling is not consistent with our ideology?

Playing the honesty card, is a matter of perspective

“If that happens, it will all depend on the type of couple, the tacit contract between the two members, where we find ourselves, and the personality of the partner“, considered the psychology doctor.
“For some couples, the complete transparency of feelings is the rule. For others, everyone his secret garden. In the story of a lasting couple, think of anotheror sometimes fantasize and have a specific desire for another person, does not mean in love”. In this case, there doesn’t have to be a reason to express something that can only be a passing feeling, especially so as not to hurt another.
But as a general rule, if a desire is born for another person, especially if it is exhausted, repeated and begins to settle over time, it reveals that it will remain the best way. “Talking about it may be necessary to avoid getting into a double life made up of lies and deception. which will only get worse over time ”.

The help of a therapist is sometimes needed

Being honest and sincere with your spouse is not an easy task for everyone, especially you. may be afraid to look at othersthat we didn’t want to hurt him or destroy the marital relationship that still keeps us alive every day. But according to the psychologist, “dare to face this crisis the couple is already in realitycan avoid this dilemmain this difficulty, in knock it downor to solve about good terms”.
Sometimes, consultation with a specialist is important “in the context of individual and/or couple psychotherapy, to examine yourselfhis journey of lifeand his couple to start with a good footemphasis make a fresh start in life”.

Loving someone for the rest of your life is a traditional concept and a social norm that is likely to be unique. To avoid separation, some decided toopt for free union to satisfy their desires while maintaining a lasting and loving relationship with their partner or partner. “It has the idea of ​​trusting someone else to replace and allow this free relationship”, confirmed RTL Marie-Claude Trèlia, journalist. He said, “our attachments are good over time, but it doesn’t always happen with our desires, which can change”.

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