Sexuality is so complex and definitely multi-dimensionalexplains from the beginning the assistant professor in the department of sociology, Tony Silva, and author of the book Still straight: Sexual Flexibility of White Men in Rural America.
In his study, he spoke to about 60 white men living in rural communities in the United States. All identified as heterosexual, but reported having sex with other men, often in secret.
They’re not in the closet, they see themselves as heterosexual and they don’t view their sex with other men as part of their identity.lined up the researcher.
In Canada, 66,000 men identify as such, according to Tony Silva, while among women, this number has grown to 255,000.
A form of masturbation
For Brian, who prefers to use a pseudonym because his partner is unaware of his relationships with other men, this type of relationship is more like an extension of masturbation than a non -romantic relationship.
” It’s selfish. This is convenient. In 15 minutes I can have someone at home and arrive without it being mutual. It’s about getting in, having fun and getting out. »
If he enters into a relationship with another woman, Brian fears that he will invest himself emotionally and be attracted to her, which, according to him, represents betrayal more than the oral sex offered by a stranger.
He is not the only one with this reasoning. Many Tony Silva men have spoken with similar sentiments.
Many have explained to me that they love their wives, but feel that their sex life is not as active as they would like. So by having intercourse with men, they allow themselves to have sex, without the impression of cheating on their wives.as he.
A way to regain control
David, who prefers not to mention his last name, is attracted only to women, even though he has asked himself the question many times in his life after attacks by men, etc. .
For him, Tony Silva’s study is interesting, however
he can still go on particularly by responding to the impact of childhood sexual trauma.
In the past, her traumas led her to have behaviors that she described as abusive to women. David turned to sex between men, despite his heterosexuality, to regain some sort of control over his sexuality.
The only way I can think of is to go back to what started it all and find a way to regain control in a healthy way.he explained between two silences.
Thus he was able to recreate the actions imposed on him, he said, but in a gentle and loving way that would help him regain control of his story.
” Now I can do it with freedom, with love and with kindness and it will take away all the pain I have experienced. »
But he was surprised to find that the relationships of heterosexual men, like him, with homosexual relationships were the subject of a study by a sociologist.
All these labels and boxes, pretty weirdhe emphasized, with a grin, saying that he was impatient to see all forms of sexual consent normal and no longer be part of public conversations.