Time is not always the enemy of lovers. Each relationship has sailing speed and some are more pedal boating on the lake than tandem rafting. However, even the strongest couples can encounter difficulties every now and then, when communication is cut off or when daily life is taken away from moments together. The Covid-19 pandemic, which began more than a year ago in France, has hurt many lovers, who suddenly spend all their time together, with no choice.
How do you live 24 hours a day with someone you only see a few hours a week and on the weekends at normal hours? When the chaotic flow of work, vacations as a couple or with friends, weekends in the countryside become empty of imprisonment, we have to adapt. While some accept the challenge with flying colors, it is more complicated for others. Finally, there are those who don’t need incarceration to understand what’s been there for a long time: the difficulties of supporting life as a couple. If love is still there and things can get better, how will you reconnect with life as a couple? Do lovers put their relationship at risk if they spend a lot of time together?
Patrick Muller is a relationship coach, specializing in couple problems. He confirmed to the Planet that “spending a lot of time together will exacerbate the problems that already exist in the couple with worries”. This season, not necessarily happy, may not present a problem for “strong” couples, but it can be more complicated for others. Here’s how to deal with it.
Couple life: bet “on sincere compliments”
It’s not because we’re both that we no longer need time for ourselves, Patrick Muller confirms. According to the love coach, “up to 10 to 15 hours per week without a partner, if there is no child at home”. The presence of the latter can really reduce possible moments of loneliness, especially when they are young. “It takes time to feel like you’re single or childless,” said Patrick Muller, who also insists on quality time for two: “On the contrary, it takes 12 to 15 hours per week for two. , no television, no computer, not to mention negative things, like the good old days of seduction ”.
Sometimes it’s not so much a lack of determination as clumsiness. How to re-ignite the flame when it starts to run out of steam? For the relational coach, you have to bet on “sincere compliments”. Remind others of what always makes us crack at him, what makes us laugh, comforts us or makes us happy. Emphasize the qualities of your other half so he or she understands that nothing is forgotten, despite the years and daily grinding. Be careful, if compliments are an effective tool, the key is above all communication when you encounter problems in your life as a couple.
Marital life: “Communication is obligatory”
“Communication is the backbone of a relationship, it’s mandatory”, Patrick Muller explains. But how to communicate without hurting someone, without hurting him or her or not awakening to old arguments? For the love coach, “we need to listen to each other, not put our ego on the front line and above all we need to answer the questions that are asked of us”. He also advised to “respond with an opinion when asked about what we want, not to look for innuendo or interpretation and not to shout”.
Sometimes it happens that all this advice is not enough and that a meeting with a professional is the solution. Attention, Patrick Muller wants to be clear, not because we were arguing that our couple was done, but also not because all was well that we didn’t risk anything.
How do you know if your partner has lost heat? “If you feel there is a gap between the two, for example if one of the people is working on themselves and not the other, or if one of the two does not want to ask themselves, then the consultation is urgent. Does not mean that the couple is done, but it is on a dangerous slope, which can end the couple, even if it is strong ”. In the end, routine is not a good sign because, Patrick Muller concludes, “the couple that work well is fluid, it’s simple and there’s no routine”.