Why do you say that men no longer know who they are?
I saw it personally, and I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had this feeling of not knowing where my place was. A few years ago, I went through a major crisis. My partner was running so fast, I no longer knew where I was. I spent the first years of my marriage building, working to have a home, feeding my family, raising my children, all without time to ask myself many questions. Then came the time when, after marking all the boxes, I said to myself: “Now, what’s next?” I still have twenty years of shooting at work, forty of my personal life, and I don’t see myself continuing on the same path. » A friend suggested I do a campsite for the boys. Everyone was crossed with the same skepticism as me. I understand that there is a malaise that goes deeper than my own small questions, the basis of which is anthropological: what is my deep identity, my vocation? The answers given at this camp brought my life back to life.
How many men have lost their deep identity?
We hear a lot about the crisis of masculinity. I think it’s a transmission crisis. We weren’t given our masculinity, we weren’t told the specifics of it. We were raised with a single outlook on life following the consumer society: buying a house, car, TV. Catholics are not saved by this discourse. However, a person has to find what can give a strong meaning to his life, where he is willing to sacrifice everything. And the meaning of his life, his vocation to fatherhood, is to pass on. But in order to transmit, he must already know who he really is. It’s a vicious circle.
What should a father pass on?
She must accurately pass on to her child her specific identity. In the early years of his life, the child was associated with his mother who carried him. The role of the father, who is more “external” to the child, is to separate them, to “unmerge” the child so that he can unite his deep personal identity and open up to the world. The son especially needs this separation, because he has to leave the feminine psyche to become fully masculine. She could not walk this path alone and had to be guided by a man. The woman must be separated from her mother not to integrate her sexual identity, which she already possesses because she is united to the feminine and biologically feminine, but to obtain her psychic identity of independence. , to freedom. The vision in which we work is to place the father as an image of the Creator Father, because He is the first to give us life. The earthly father is a relay to the Father, and it has a great mission: to send his son toward perfect holiness.
How do you pass your specific identity to your child?
By giving him confidence in himself, by telling him that he is worthy and respected and by naming his qualities, by making him happy. This is the principle of blessing. The father’s speech is rather performative. “Just say the word and I will be healed. The father should also do a memory work with his children, let them know that they are anchored in a geography, a culture, a family with a particular history, they are rooted in their ancestry. Filiation anchors us truly and challenges us about our own lives. Our ancestors lived by solid things. Knowledge allows us to understand that our life is easy and invites us to choose a life that is more radical than choosing the color of our car. Knowing that an ancestor has done a brave deed inspires the idea that doing great deeds we can achieve, that we too have this potential. A potential for holiness. This mission also requires cleaning up the transmission chain: preserving what, in our family history, is good, and cleaning up what is bad.
How to send one who has not received himself?
Passing is difficult, which is why, since the dawn of time, human societies have offered a masculine and collective framework to help fathers pass. This has been the case in all societies of the world for fifteen thousand years, as in the bar-mitzvah of the Jews, which consists of a rite of passage into maturity. To us, the transmission is lost, the transmission ceremonies are lost. This is why we created the father-son weekend “In the heart of men”, which offers a structural framework for men that allows them to continue their role as transmitters.
You force the role of father, but what to do without him?
The mother loves her child unconditional love, so she cannot give his birth because his word does not have the same weight. We all wonder if we have values, talents, and the answer is in our father’s eyes, because he is outside of us. When he confirmed it, we no longer doubted ourselves. But whether the father resigns or not, the child can find replacement numbers. It could be a godfather, an uncle, an older brother and even a teacher.
In the United States, where single-parent families are more numerous than in France, I believe this represents 50%. So sponsorship systems were created by men caring for fatherless youth. This proposal is very powerful and results from a need that no one is currently able to respond to, other than communautarization.
What must a woman do for her husband to fulfill his life as a man?
More and more husbands are going to “In the Heart of Men” camps and father-son weekends, because they are registered with their wives! The wife cannot prove identity, but she can bring her husband to what he is, as in Genesis. He has this power to act. She won’t tell him who he is, but to help her figure out who she is. She has a motivational role, she knows how to ask the right questions. We have to shake ourselves, because we tend to stay in our cave, not to face problems and find excuses for ourselves. We can easily hide in a worldly mask but, in the life of the couple, we are caught, because we cannot deceive our world.