Can we learn to love?

Philosopher Alexandre Lacroix catches all eyes with his new book, Learning to Make Love, a reflection on the cartography of desire and learning the moves that can save you from the norm.

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Everyone knows how to make love. Especially now that everyone is watching everyone have sex. In series, in cinema, on pornographic sites, in novels. Just look: sex is everywhere around us. But does this sex inflation, a sign of a society obsessed with performance and instant gratification, help us make love better, assuming everyone knows how to do it? It can be discussed, replies Alexandre Lacroix, editorial director of Philosophie Magazine, convinced that love is also an apprenticeship. Evidence by the title of his new book, learning to love, which is neither a guide nor a workbook, but a reflection on the meaning to be given to our love. With his point of view and his experience as a hetero white man (it was he who made a point of defining this in the introduction to his book), Alexandre Lacroix revolves around the sexual thing by trying to explanation to the left. but understand that sex is not an obligation but always a pleasure. To learn how to make love, one must not learn how to make it. In order for love to be healed, Alexandre Lacroix states, one must free oneself from rules and scenarios that are considered morally acceptable. To point out the folly of this sexual behavior provided with mandatory instructions, Alexandre Lacroix invented a word, “freudporn”.

freudporn, he explained, evokes scenarios of a dominant sexuality indebted so much to Freud and to pornography. Freud’s Three Essays on Sexuality in 1905 established the concept of the sex cycle. A plan that is considered healthy and complete if it sequentially connects foreplay, penetration and ejaculation of the man inside the woman. The introductions which, I am determined, are considered secondary and where one should not live, otherwise they are considered perversion! This cycle, which goes through prescribed stages, shapes our minds. As for vintage pornography, which was in the 70s, it depicts a couple sexuality that reproduces the Freudian cycle with this additional command to do. Both, Freud and porn, helped define a normative idea of ​​sex. However, the purpose of sexual act is not orgasm, but the pleasure of exploring oneself, of exploring another, of playing, of discovering all sensory dimensions – it is much better when there is an orgasm, but there is no ‘ y obligation to orgasm.

Natural and cultural

If everyone can mate, not everyone will see what it’s all about when it comes to exploring themselves or others. Although the examples – in Sex And The City on Sex Educationpasseth 50 shades of gray and Michel Houellebecq’s novels – much to prove to us that making love is also a cultural act that is rejected according to the sexual orientations being investigated. “Many people think that sexuality is natural and organized around a biological process, continued Alexandre Lacroix. We are led to make love through cocktails of hormones, for reproduction or preservation of species, through impulses and instincts. Sexuality is a natural activity that does not involve cultural and social learning, if not at all: we learn to love. It has been learned through encounters, through sexology books, through erotic arts books, through pornography, that its consumption is widespread. As a reminder, sites like Pornhub are the most watched sites in the world, including in countries where it is illegal.. ”

The influence of pornography

From there thinking that porn culture can make up for our shortcomings in the field of caresses, there is a step that our pro-sex philosopher cannot cross. “The influence of pornography cannot be denied, he explained, even if the ideas of performance and result expressed there can be very intimidating. The representation of women in pornography also presents a problem in the field of sex education. Finally, the ethnic categorization of people, which is unacceptable in everyday life, is pervasive in pornography. Not to mention the fact that, on porn sites and dating apps, we can now customize our searches according to a number of preferences, defining a kind of specification that alters sexual activity. to an act of consumption like any other.“Neither a sexologist nor a coach, Alexandre Lacroix has only one piece of advice for couples facing decreased libido: refresh their habits.”Habit is first and foremost the system the couple creates to get to know each other and give each other joy. There is a problem if the scenario no longer evolves. If we don’t refresh habits, we go into cheating or separation. ” To a good listener and a good listener …

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