How to overcome the most common sex problems

Desire is essential to a satisfying sexuality, but it is not always easy to preserve it in the face of the usual, the misunderstanding that has arisen or illness.

We don’t have time to make love

With tiring weeks, running between work, kids and household chores, there isn’t much room left for things that don’t matter.

The advice of our sexologists

  • “The couple is an entity of its own that must also live for itself within the family”, said Joelle Mignot. So, (tip no. 1) why not take care of the kids and spend a night or week for both?
  • You can also turn off the TV and go to bed early (tip #2) to check if your senses are still awake.
  • If the fatigue is too much, Carlotta Munier suggests the “starfish” (advice no. 3): one allows one to breathe, not to move. “That doesn’t mean staying passive, but feeling that caress, without putting yourself through any other challenges. There can also be penetration, spooning, lying on the side. And if that’s how we sleep, that’s fine too. »

He (or she) wants to fall in love more often than I do

For Carlotta Munier, “Wanting to make love systematic at the same time is an illusion.” Finding the right match is not always easy.

The advice of our sexologists

  • To arouse desire, you need to know how to present your arguments: seduce, excite, make people dream (advice no. 4).
  • But if the coos has no effect, Carlotta Munier invites everyone to ask themselves (advice n ° 5): “If a man wants to fall in love more than a woman, is it really a desire to share, or a simple need for relaxation and quick gratification? »

For her part, Madame has every right to refuse. Not very often … Or else, he was already in the process of asking himself: did he avoid fornication? On the contrary, some felt obligated to respond to all requests, hesitating: “But in this case, they run the risk of becoming bitter and, eventually, making others pay for it”, observed Carlotta Munier.

For her part, Joëlle Mignot analyzes the place of the couple’s sexuality :

“Often one or the other puts intimacy and tenderness in front, sexuality comes down in the back. Some people don’t realize this and are overly invested in the emotional bond, at the risk of returning the question to the body and therefore to sexual arousal. »

Sometimes it’s enough to talk about it with two people, or with the help of a third person (sex therapist or couple therapist), to figure it out.

Read also: We don’t want to be in love together, what to do?

Over time, our sexual relationship became less frequent

Over the years, even the most expensive couples have been threatened with ruin. To avoid falling into boredom, a minimum of vigilance is required.

The advice of our sexologists

  • Suggested by Carlotta Munier “to erotize everyday life” (tip #6), starting with small, simple things like “recover the time to touch each other, to smell each other’s scent. Sleep naked! And start kissing again on the mouth, the kiss is the real beginning of desire”.
  • And to rekindle the flame: room for imagination! (type #7) “If the desire disappears, it should be surprising and unexpected. Why not invent scenarios, meet for a happy time, play sex toys, read erotic books together?», offers again to the sexologist.

If the avoidance lasts for a long time, you should consider the help of a therapist. “When a couple consults me for this kind of problem, I try to see what keeps their relationship going. I try to show them that they have forgotten a whole part of their life and that this life is important to them ”, explained by Joëlle Mignot. From there, everyone talks about their sexual preferences, the actions that make them happy, there are so many positive sources on which the couple can rely on relaunching the (sex) machine (advice n ° 8).

Since his betrayal, I have been imprisoned

Cheating has a profound effect on the trust of others. Getting the pieces is always difficult.

The advice of our sexologists

  • After adultery, sexuality does not have to stop. “Sometimes competition can rekindle the desire of the person who has been deceived, the desire to win back and show that they are the right person”, said Carlotta Munier. He advised, above all, to seek help from a couple therapists because the suffering is often severe (advice n ° 9).
  • For Joëlle Mignot, it was necessary understand the terrain, the reasons that led to this situation : “Is it a warning signal, a real lack of love or a deep uncertainty that leads partners to make mistakes all the time?», he was surprised. Depending on the level of acceptance of each, you have to decide to stay together, or not.

“However, it’s not like it used to be,” Carlotta Munier added. But if the couple is able to overcome this difficulty, it will allow them to grow and change in a different way.

Read also: Betrayal: “Deceived, I don’t want my husband anymore”

Since my illness, I have not had sex

It is a destructive, chronic disease. It can harm the body and sow doubt. How to feel like still? However, love and care are more important than ever.

The advice of our sexologists

“As much as possible, you should try to adapt your sex life (advice n ° 10). Sexuality is not just about penetration. He is even richer than that! You need to keep the tenderness, the feeling, the kisses. . “, said Geneviève Perronny-Marquat.

It all depends, of course, on the state of the person, on their fatigue but on their mental state. “I have a patient who, despite a serious illness, is very compulsive. For him, sexuality is a way of holding on to a driving life.by Joëlle Mignot.

In any case, we need to change, as Geneviève Perronny-Marquat explains: “The women, underwent surgery after breast cancer, affected by their femininity. Before receiving caresses to their spouse, they should be able to look at themselves naked in the mirror and touch their wound (advice n ° 11). It’s up to them to improve their bodies, to rediscover the taste of attraction, though to change your appearance. »

The right position if you have back pain Science has the answer for everything. Doggy style (supported by hands for women) is the least painful position for low back pain (advice no. 11).

She has erection problems

Many factors, physical and psychological, can explain erectile dysfunction: age, disease (diabetes, high blood pressure, prostate surgery, etc.), emotional shock, and so on. These breakdowns can easily damage a relationship.

The advice of our sexologists

The whole difficulty lies in overcoming the fear of failure. Recommended by Geneviève Marquat do not seek penetration at all costs. He recommends a game of touch and caress, the only rule of which is to keep the sexual organs away (advice no. 13). A way to evoke sensations in commonly neglected areas.

“The man may start an erection. He won’t use it. It’s just to arouse his excitement. Penetration is not necessary,” the sexologist explained. Sometimes it takes a few weeks for confidence to return. “The partner has a partner. necessary role. He has to be cuddly, exciting, flirtatious … If he is too critical or if he doesn’t like enough, he can block his partner’s standing, ”she said.

the prescription drugs (ViagraCialis, Levitra, Spedra) increase momentum (Tip #14). These products have different duration of action, and they have an effect only if the desire is present. In some cases (removal of the prostate, etc.), intracavernous injections may be used to induce immediate erection. The man injects the product into the penis using a fine needle. “It’s a short -term solution, but an important help on a psychological level”, promotes Geneviève Perrony-Marquat.

I was hurt during intercourse

According to an American study, 30% of women feel pain in their last intercourse (Journal of Sexual Medicine, April 2015). Again, there are several reasons: “The most common is sequelae of episiotomy after childbirth, said Geneviève Perrony-Marquat.

There may also be vaginal dryness after childbirth or menopause. Not to mention the psychological suffering associated with unresolved conflicts.

The advice of our sexologists

The episiotomy, which involves incision of the perineum to open the baby’s passage during childbirth, leaves a scar. Pains of varying intensity disappear within three months.

“If it’s too painful, it’s best to temporarily stop penetrative sex. The wound is treated by massaging it daily with a healing cream or lubricant. (tip #15). And nothing can stop the spouse from participating! », suggested by Geneviève Perronny-Marquat. The time will come when the couple will find their rhythm and their usual caresses, natural, and trauma-free.

Whatever the source of this pain, you can’t force yourself to accept penetration, “just for fun” (tip #16). Fear of pain sometimes causes a real one vaginismus, a tension in the muscles that obstructs the passage of the genitals, which only increases the pain.

To relax this area, a physiotherapist specializing in perineology may offer work based on relaxation and gradual dilation of the vagina (advice no. 17). The biofeedback technique (imagining the reactions of her perineum after the introduction of a vaginal probe) is often used. Finally, to lubricate the vaginal mucosa, ovules based on hyaluronic acid and gels enriched with vitamin E are very useful (advice no. 18).

Also read: Finding a satisfying sexuality after childbirth

At menopause, estrogen deficiency, which causes vaginal dryness, can be paid for by hormonal treatment, by medical prescription (advice no. 19). Two solutions: either systemic treatment (patch or gel), or eggs or creams to be applied locally to the vagina.

Kuhaa! If you are afraid of having pain during intercourse, do not hesitate to settle with your partner (advice n ° 20). “Psychologically, you’re allowed to no longer suffer from the situation. It’s safer,” Geneviève Perronny-Marquat said.

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