has been updated
in collaboration with
Pascal Anger (family and marriage psychotherapist)
It’s hard to imagine now that a romantic relationship would last without sex. Platonic love, simple concept or real experience
In a hypersexualized society, it’s hard to imagine that a romantic relationship can last without a carnal relationship. And yet, platonic love can be a concern for everyone, in more or less the long term. Testimony and explanation with Pascal Anger, psychotherapist.
Explained in the text festival by Plato and promoted by the philosopher Marsile Ficino, the concept of platonic love focuses on a relationship of love without sexual intercourse. A concept that looks like “somewhat outdated already“, Commented Pascal Anger, psychotherapist,”from now on, we are in hypersexuality. It’s like we’re talking about a time that is gone. ” Although he stated:At any age, platonic love exists. If you are a child, a teenager, an adult, you can also be married and have a platonic relationship with others …“.
Platonic love favors a non -physical contact: “eye games, tenderness, affection, especially intellectual sharing… It’s all tenderness and nuances. Sometimes we know what’s going on, sometimes we don’t ”. The psychotherapist awakens a “form of innocence“In this love:”let us love another for his soul, in this whole and spiritual dimension, and not in anything else ”.
What is the difference between platonic love and friendship?
In platonic love as friendship, “no physical property”, Explains Pascal Anger. Yet he considers that platonic love is “more of a friendship, because there is a desire but it does not have to be expressed. We may desire another, but no action.
Platonic love: who cares?
Is living in a platonic love a choice or a relationship that is endured? What can cause a couple not to have sex? The psychotherapist first mentions “the couple’s dress, where we adjust to a sort of routine and shift our desire. This love without overflowing sexuality is enough for us ”.
There may also be pain during penetrative intercourse, which can cut off all sexual desire or prevent penetrative sexual act for more or less long periods of time. This is the case with Marine *, 25, and her partner with whom she has been in a relationship for four years. “We have had a long time with no or very little sex. That was destabilized because it happened so quickly. I have a disease that hurts sex, so I developed vaginismus. “ A situation that the couple initially experienced badly, not immediately understanding the causes of these difficulties. Marine admits she feels “shame“, while he was with”thought it was his fault“, than he did to her”added effect“.”I think he kind of lost his confidence.“, He added.
In the context of certain religious beliefs, sexual relations may be prohibited, especially outside of marriage.
In addition, some asexual people, that is, people who have little or no sense of sexual attraction, may be reluctant to have sex, even if they have libido.
Pascal Anger also arouses platonic love in some relationships outside of marriage. “There is joy in loving another, there is feeling, but we are not guilty because we cannot touch one and we cannot break the agreement. We keep it a secret “.
Platonic love: what are the advantages and disadvantages?
If platonic love is always self -imposed, the advantages can be many. Start with the possibility of taking stock of everyone’s real feelings. “We proved that we love each other even without sexsaid Marine, It didn’t affect our love for each other. “ This sexless time allows them to express their affection in a different way. “We hug a lot, we keep saying dirty words to each other or sending sext. It’s good for us. We continue to love each other. “
Pascal Anger plus seda. “Basically, it’s not just the couple’s sex! With platonic love, we become true love for another. And besides, love and sexual desire do not always go together. “ A way to lower the pressure around sex, in short.
But platonic love can also have its setbacks, including frustration on the part of one or both partners. “SIf you feel that at some point, there is a desire but you can’t express it other than sex, it can be embarrassing.“, explained the psychotherapist.”Apparently, we miss sexMarina admitted. It releases tension, but most of all it’s a very close moment between two people. And for the couple, it matters“, he ruled. He also referred to the weight of the” no sex “ban on couples:”The fact that in our case it was a couple problem that we didn’t dare to discuss quickly with friends and caregivers further crystallized the problem. We both feel so alone about it. “
Finally, Pascal Anger evokes the dangers of a platonic love imposed on one’s self due to complications or lack of self -confidence. “If we just keep that alive, we won’t go anywhere else and it can be disturbing ”.
Can a platonic relationship last?
Finally, is sex important in a romantic relationship? Could there be a future for a platonic relationship? “Of course, it can even last a long timeaccording to the psychotherapist. It depends on what we are looking for, on our desires both, on our desires. It depends on where we are in our emotional life, in our sex life. We are not all the same in terms of sex and sexuality. It’s part of life, but it doesn’t matter to all of us. “ But he insisted:the important thing is that there is no failure, on one side or the other ”. Everyone has to find their account, regardless of social pressure.
For Marine, however, sex remains “super important”. “It’s something that is shared between two partners, it helps your body feel good …“. Thanks to a cure, he was able to.”finding desire“.”And I’ve done so much that I want the guy I lovehe released. We started having sex without penetration again, with intimate moments without pressure. He also bought me sex toys so I could have time to myself. “ And basically, what is sexual act if you can live it alone, with no intrusion, or a simple kiss can be considered as such?