How to recognize a toxic relationship and get rid of it? A psychotherapist gives us his advice

Psycho and sex

We help you recognize the signs of a toxic relationship.

Your spouse’s happiness is not always obvious. Sometimes the relationship between two people who love each other can be toxic. An imbalance then occurs within the couple. One of the two people seems to be expanding his grip on the other and this can lead to daily suffering. The so -called obedient person conforms to the expectations of the dominant, even if it means abandoning himself. Resolving relationship difficulties through exchange and dialogue seems to be compromised and this situation may still be resolved over time.

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However, a toxic relationship does not have to fail. Anne-Françoise Meulemans, psychotherapist and coordinator of the E-mergence platform, gives us her best advice for recognizing the signs of such a failed relationship and how to recover from this difficulty, as a person or as a couple.

When can a relationship be toxic?

“Actually, this concept is quite new. I think that to describe a so -called toxic relationship, we need to define a healthy relationship, whether in love, family or friendship. We are talking about a healthy relationship if it contributes to the development of each person, to the autonomy of each person with an idea of ​​trust and empathy. The foundations of the human relationship consider both parties. This relationship must have an equal and balanced benefit, it must not tire us out but on the contrary restore us. We feel that there is no judgment on others and that we can lower our vigilance. We are accepted and fulfilled. From the moment all of these behaviors are gone, we can say that the relationship can be toxic. If you’re the only one who’s worried about someone you might start to worry… ”

Can a healthy relationship be toxic and vice versa?

“Actually, in the long run the relationship can be toxic depending on the personality of the two people who are in it. We can very much assume that some personalities are incompatible. For example, the relationship between a person is relatively obedient in a so -called dominant person is very at risk of becoming toxic.There is no balance and the dominant person can overwhelm and manipulate another.On the other hand, if a dominant person starts a relationship with someone of the same nature, the a balance is more likely to form and have a form of synchronization over time.I think co-construction is the key to most couples lasting.Once the blue period is over, this is the solution of each other’s problems through conflicts, exchanges and discussions that make it possible to continue.In contrast, a healthy relationship can be toxic through life accidents, such as burnout or depression. If one of the two people is not good, it will directly affect the other and it will upset the balance of the relationship. If we fail to get him back, the relationship can be toxic. »

Do people who look alike finally have a better chance of having a healthy relationship?

“Yes and no. It’s true that common interests and cultures can foster a satisfying relationship, but I also think there are a lot of personalities that can go hand in hand. It’s true that some people with dysfunctions, for example, they are more likely to form toxic relationships with others.But it is enough that these people, who also have their share of qualities, fall for someone who is able to balance their dysfunctions.We can immediately assume that they have been able to. to have healthy relationships with other people. »

So can a toxic relationship be healthy again and not fail in failure?

“Actually, even the two people who formed the couple are aware of this saving and are trying to discuss it and solve the problem. Any things can go wrong and this awareness is not common, so we can’t solve the problem.” problem.One of the two people or even both may feel unwell and decide to leave.On the other hand, it sometimes happens that some people, no matter how severe, are trapped in this relationship and are unable to move in. there is a problem of emotional trust, we need each other even if it is not good.So, the issues are no longer with us.You need to ask yourself and understand without judging why you are stuck in it relationship? Otherwise, we can never continue one way or another.In these cases, I think an outside look is really important, with a therapist or caring ones. friend s a permission of knowledge. The person may then try to rebuild themselves individually, primarily for the better for themselves, because the first person you need to save is yourself. And based on this reconstruction there is a possibility that the couple will also be rebuilt. If one of the two heals, it will affect the other positively. But beware, if by healing as an individual the couple makes the situation worse, then the foundations of the relationship are in question. Maybe we don’t want to save this union anymore, every situation is unique. But yes, we can imagine that a toxic relationship can be healthy again based on individual or better collective work. »

Can we grow from such a relationship?

“Perfect. It comes down to highlighting our faults and our weaknesses and ultimately what we need to know about ourselves. We even in our nature can poison others without even realizing it. Finally, a toxic relationship also speaks volumes about us. This can be especially due to a mirror effect, if there are family dysfunctions in one or the other, there is also a risk of giving birth to them in the couple. »

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