Sandrine, 51 years old and divorced, is looking for love with Meetic: “You have to put your foot in the stirrup”

“Me, they don’t repeat themselves,” Sandrine warned. At 51, this liberal nurse says: “Finding love at our age is very complicated”. There are liars, others say they are willing to commit if they don’t, and those who disappear overnight. Ten years after registering on dating sites, she hasn’t found the man to share her life with. Divorced in 2009, she wanted a serious relationship. “I don’t think people are made to be alone. Of course we have friends but we don’t live with them and we don’t share everything. And then, kids are good, but they don’t understand the filth of adults, ”he joked. But making up a story isn’t that simple. At fifty, you come out under twenty. “Meetings are less fluid, even with groups of friends. I have the impression that the more suspicious we are, the more restrained we are.»

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“Some sites specialize a bit in the one-night stand”

Her divorce hurt her. During the “long journey” of separation, he asked himself. “We wondered if we hadn’t done anything foolish,” he said, marked by material questions and family turmoil. Two years passed without a meeting. “Even if you break up with someone, the feelings don’t go away overnight. There is a connection, even if it is no longer a love feeling. I still have children with this man, ”Sandrine said. She took advantage of this time to focus and review her priorities. “I was alone and I had just started my job as a liberal nurse. It wasn’t in my head. But I also felt lonely.” We told ourselves we had to get back on track, that we weren’t left alone. »

He can no longer remember his registration with Meetic. No big clicks, nor advice from friends: he tried it on the most popular dating site at the time. He imports a full-length photo, he really doesn’t know which one, and his bio specifies that he’s there for serious business. That didn’t stop him from eating. “Some sites specialize a bit in a night stand, maybe even on their own. This is the case with Badoo, where other guys make it clear that they just want sex. I haven’t been there long. This one aspects of her life remain a secret from her children, who are fixing the divorce and she wants to keep it.There is nothing forbidden to her friends, however, who don’t always understand her.Sandrine faces misunderstanding. “Some were very surprised. About ten years ago, Meetic was less popular than it is now. I was told ‘I can’t, it’s like a catalog'”, he recalls. Even today, his presence at Meetic and Bumble raises questions: he is asked “how did he do it”. “You have to have an open mind,” he said.

“Me, they won’t do that to me. I know where he lives! »

He was not actively looking for a partner but he allowed himself to be carried away. “I’m also not in a perfect search,” he insisted. Three or four suitors patiently waited in his mailbox. “I checked that I wasn’t wrong with my first name! Sometimes I forget what she said, what she worked for, how many children she had,” admitted the nurse, amused. If she didn’t “crush” her date , she is straightforward and always polite. “I am a square woman. I try not to make the skin of my cow and do not let people hope.”

Not everyone has such doubts. “Sometimes I have a partner. I just had a weekend with her. On Monday, there was no more news. He’s lost, “said Sandrine, who says she hates” ghosting “above all else.” Me, they don’t do that to me. I know where she lives! She jokes. “I face those man in their responsibilities because we are not animals. We can talk. He would have told me and I would not have had a heart attack. We are not married yet, I can! »

50 years and a new expectation of love

In ten years, some relationships have thus ended, others have led to friendships with benefits. What he remembers from all of this is that dating sites develop the imagination a lot. And the dream is usually shattered on the first date. “You realize right away that you can’t meet the same people at age 50 rather than 25,” comments this mother of two whose romantic expectations have changed. “When I met my husband, I was 23 years old. I wanted to start a family. We started work, we partyed. It has nothing to do with dating at age 50. Now, we have other worries: kids, jobs developed or not, other goals … and unequal young people. »

After fifty, the criteria become more refined. Sandrine prefers older males, between 57 and 58, whose children have left the nest. He has a “park and whine quota,” he said. “I have reached the age where I am free of my children. It doesn’t even mean she’s going to have an affair with a guy who doesn’t want to be a father. “I don’t think he understands my priorities with my own kids. They may be adults, but I am always their mother and I am always there for them when they need it. »

“Love at first sight doesn’t always happen”

Inevitably, she will sometimes wonder if she should start a new life with someone. What if it was good? What if it’s time to start? Her state of mind changed dramatically after the ordeal of the divorce. “We were a little upset that we broke up after ten, fifteen or twenty years of being together. The feeling of love is no longer built the same way and love at first sight doesn’t happen very often. So we get to know the person but stay we are careful, we are not very naive. »

The 50-year-old wastes no time with men who don’t use themselves, who don’t ask for anything and don’t have permission. This is probably for the best. If she remembered the man who seduced her, she thought it was written. “Come to think of it, it’s good that I didn’t pursue someone with such a mentality. “Very serious! If she wants human warmth, Sandrine can trust the previous date, who has been a long -time friend.” Everyone respects each other’s relationship. In my relationship, we meet but nothing happens. On the other hand , if I’m alone… ”

SIYA. Do you remember when you started dating sites?

S. I wondered if I would do something stupid or meet dishonest people. I remember in the beginning, when I was drinking, I would always give the bar address to a friend. Especially at night. Because I prefer people who know where I am, because I don’t know who I can meet.

SIYA. Did you have a bad surprise on a date?

S. I have lies about age. He told me he was ten years younger. I even ran out of my plate, I didn’t even bring it. Although the criteria didn’t matter, he was 15 years older than me or more and over fifteen years away, I found the relationship to be bad.

SIYA. An important measure of a man?

S. I like tall guys but I have come across a shorter guy who lies at his height! Also, I intend to put the heels on the appointment to measure the size. I don’t like to overtake, so if I find myself with a guy who is a little too small for me, or even smaller, it’s not okay. Otherwise, I like it when someone shares my interests: cinema, galleries and museums, travel, nature.

SIYA. A prohibited detail in a profile?

S. I know that sometimes I can make some spelling mistakes, but if the descriptions are full of mistakes, I will turn the page right away.

SIYA. What did you write in your description?

S. I wrote clearly that I was looking for a serious relationship, but no more. We don’t write everything on our profiles. And if there’s nothing in a guy’s profile, that leaves me with a lot of things to ask when we meet.

SIYA. What do you do for a first date?

S. I like to meet people easily. Usually, I offer a drink, coffee or aperitif. It so happened that I went from a coffee to a dinner as we were so good, finally never seeing the man again. Even if we have a good story with someone, if there is no physical attraction, it will not pass. Coincidentally, I also met guys who had recently become good friends.

*Name changed

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