American-style love: understanding all about dating codes

Find love in the United States. A study of the American man and the dating codes for use in lost European “. Here’s a live guide for successful meetings on American soil, a book that is both informative and fun, with a touch of second degree. The purpose of its author, Isabelle Driel:” help singles looking for a monogamous, serious and lasting relationship to achieve their goal “. Because of this part of the Atlantic, love games leave no chance.

The Frenchwoman, who has lived in Texas for thirteen years, translates her book into a series of codes governing romantic encounters. Despite an obvious approach, these rules differ from French values ​​and traditions. A reality Isabelle Driel experienced at her expense. I have had a hundred first dates, famous dates. Many didn’t go in the second and I accumulated mistakes, difficulties, disappointments … Eight years of suffering and questioning before playing the American game and meeting my husband! “.

His beginning? Many Europeans in the United States do not understand these codes, “and for good reason, the way to look at love there is so different“. His ambition? Relieving pressure, offering time -saving and practical solutions.” before they left the country, for lack of shoes on their feet. »

Little room for spontaneity

Inspired by his story, this former professor of history and geography with a degree in the sciences of Antiquity decided to investigate. ” I read everything I could, I conducted interviews with singles and couples, I relied on surveys then I synthesized the whole thing. “. In particular, he took from it a lexicon for understand first where women put their hearts. Among the various terminology described, friends with benefits (dear friends), casual dating (informal butterfly called by the author ” enemy number 1 “), speaking (THE conversation that defines the relationship after a few weeks and serves as the starting point for a serious relationship (serious relationship as we understand it in France).

These ideas in the introductory vocabularies say a lot about the codification and chronology of romantic relationships in the United States. Isabelle Driel said, “ it takes longer to enter into a relationship and go through structured stages. The author compares the process “to a long series of interviews for positions of high responsibility “. And to be clear: the American buys and in general, the ‘serious relationship’ will last between a few months and two years ”.

Consequences: little room for spontaneity, naturalness or improvisation. When it comes to heart pain, it’s more frequent if you don’t master this system. ” In France, we are in a couple or not. Here, after a meeting, slow down and have a full exploration phase where you can have multiple partners at the same time. “. This gathering is one of the most confusing differences.

The pressure of marriage

Isabelle Driel also explores other differences. Religious or sexual relationships, for example, which, depending on locality, have proven to be less independent. ” According to the States, a woman who sleeps the first night can lose her value and her potential as a woman to marry. We will have fun with it. In Texas, the guy doesn’t like a girl who goes fast. He prefers to oversee the evolution of the relationship… he added. Similarly, he explains how marriage can cause stress and influence relationships. ” NAAAfter two or three years, formalization will fly over the heads. Marriage or not, if in France there is no obligation. »

Finally, to guide the Europeans in this ruthless forest, he defined certain categories of “men” according to recurring patterns. The idea: know how to look at the red flags (women, runaway) and the green flags (quick, let’s try). ” I know we can’t group millions of people under labels, with geographical or demographic exceptions, but we are allowed to offer criteria. To identify who we are dealing with. It would have been very useful to me! “.

In this category, we see Austin, the player-seducer collecting trysts. Andrew, hot and cold. Harry, looking for a mother or helper rather than a lover. John, was very much in spite of his virtues. Jack and his emotional baggage that takes time. Or even rebels like “ the dating rebels ”.

couple sitting on wooden bench

Dating as a tool of tourist exploration

After eight years of setbacks, Isabelle Driel decided not to sit on the sidelines. His advice: take advantage of the system because it is the dominant model and it cannot be changed “. He also pointed out that even Americans are struggling. The solution is to focus on benefits, such as effective time management (” which allows you to have multiple dates in a week “), the chances of success increase, the fact of avoiding obsessions, easily carried away and” enjoy the newly paid restaurantsés because we are usually invited “.

Some conditions, on the other hand, to not suffer from it: control your emotions from the beginning, protect yourself (” basta ang speaking nothing happened, we couldn’t be taken! »). And don’t feel guilty (” It’s not our fault when a relationship fails, sometimes because we’re just used to comparisons “).

Now, at age 40, Isabelle Driel says she is happy in love. After ten years in Houston, she moved three years ago to follow her husband to Comstock, a small town on the ranches on the Mexican border. She proposes to him kneeling two years after their first kiss. The first school in France was five hours away, he had to change his life. Literature translations, macaroon business, dating book… His dream now? Start a funny comic strip and share its message with as many people as possible: ” making dating a tool of tourist exploration !

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